Not Over You (Yet)
by BonJeanne
Summary: A small thing based on the Stevie/Blake conversation in 6.02. An attempt at angst.


**A/N:** So I wrote this in the hour I should have used to sleep or study because I can't stop wondering where Stevie's love life is going. Sorry this isn't a Something Real or Expose update, sometimes muses can be uncooperative. Anyway, let me know what you think in the reviews!

* * *

"_You are still not over me."_

Blake played that interaction over and over and over in his head. In the moment, he had truly believed it: He was over her. She was over him. They were just two friends joking about a time when they were something more. Teasing was harmless and fun.

"_I'm not fun?"_

She was fun to be around and she was fun to be with. Blake-a sleep-deprived, anxious, workaholic-had fun when she was there. He had resorted to scrolling through her Instagram feed to catch a glimpse of that fun during the long, dark days of the campaign. They still had fun. That conversation from earlier was fun. Flirting (but not real flirting) was also fun, except for times like this when it hurt to know that it didn't mean anything.

Or did it?

Fun was for people that like each other and flirting was for people that like each other more than friends and dating was for-

Blake stopped himself abruptly. They weren't dating. That was precisely why he had set her up with one of his few friends from college. They weren't dating. Stevie was dating, and not Blake. Blake was not dating because he was not over Stevie no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise. He had done a remarkable job of pretending to be over whatever they had. It started with throwing himself into work, then listening to singles anthem playlists. Now, he was setting her up with other men and asking about her dates like it wasn't a big deal. Fake it 'til you make it, right? The real question was how long he could go on faking it before he broke. Judging by the amount of tissues used and ice cream consumed, it wasn't much longer.

Harmless crushes were supposed to get better with time and space. So why, after nearly a year of minimal contact, did he still feel as though she was everything he could ever want but never have?

He just wasn't over her. Not yet.

* * *

_"We're just not going to talk about the date?"_

She tried to avoid the topic, but she couldn't keep secrets from him. Not even when she tried. So she told him all about how awkward it had been.

She told him how, but not why. Because, truth be told, it was a picture perfect date as evidenced by the people in the cafe who photographed them. He was nice and funny and charming and definitely handsome. But Griffin wasn't Blake, and that was really the core of the problem.

_"You got me."_

Her own words echoed in her mind on repeat. They had sounded so genuine when they left her lips, but now they sounded as hollow as she felt. She'd been heartbroken plenty of times before: Jareth, Dmitri, and even Harrison just to name a few. All of those relationships and others started with starry-eyed hopes and ended with cynicism.

Blake had been different. Every moment with Blake had felt so real. There was no illusion of perfection. There was nothing but two people who really understood each other. There were never any pretenses or games. It was just something real that they refused to acknowledge or label as love.

It wasn't heartbreak, but it was just as deep and painful. It was the grief that accompanies dreams that almost came true. As such, the mourning process was less straightforward (not that grief of any sort ever was straightforward in the first place). She spent a lot of time alternating between justifying and denying her feelings. When that began to drive her insane, she decided to treat the end of their not-relationship-relationship like any other break up. She got wine drunk a few times, then sobered up and found a job that she could dedicate her life to. Now she was jumping at any chance she got to go on a date. Despite her best efforts, there was still a part of her that longed for Blake.

She just wasn't over him. Not yet.


End file.
